A year-old says she values her partner but feels no lust towards him.
Mariella Frostrup suggests ways to create an erotic charge. We laugh all the time and I trust his opinion and extreme kindness.
But there has never been a sexual connection. Should I continue and hope it gets better?
Lust dwindles in most long-term relationships so should I just be happy with what I have? I worry that throwing away what we have for the sake of a rampant sex life is stupid. A rampant sex life may be ambitious, but a degree of physical compatibility is imperative at the start of any union.
Old dogs do learn new tricks and the easy familiarity that develops between a couple, with a little bit of positive input from both, can be conducive not necessarily to more sex but to better sex. Having recently waded through vast quantities of erotica my eyes have been opened to myriad forms of sex and the limitations we impose on our own pleasure.
Those are all ingredients you can work on, particularly if you are comfortable enough with each other to express and explore your fantasies. Using that openness to create an erotically charged environment could be fun. Talking about your sexual fantasies, sharing intimacies about your best sexual experiences and basically putting sex on the menu could breathe passion into your currently unsatisfactory physical encounters.
In this desire-drenched 21st century, where we are encouraged to lust on everything we cast our eyes over, from perfume bottles to fashion, real chemistry can be hard to distinguish from animal attraction. However, technique, mood and compulsion all seem entirely surmountable with focus from both parties. Getting yourself into the right mood is of paramount importance and reading sexy stories to each other might be a good place to start.
Expecting every element of a relationship to be perfect is where so many of us come unstuck. Relationships take work and two people can mature and expand and improve their repertoire. One of the challenges in choosing the right person is working out the balance between compulsive desire and compatibility in other areas.
Instead of bemoaning your missing ingredient try a more creative approach. As the old adage goes: nothing ventured, nothing gained. Dear Mariella Relationships. Mariella Frostrup.
Sun 30 Oct Topics Relationships Dear Mariella Sex features. Reuse this content.